Getting back on track

I always find it difficult to pull my thoughts together after finishing a large-scale project.

I devote a lot of time and thought to a work, especially as it nears its end, to make sure I'm proud of a final product - because that's what gets put out to the community, and that's what people end up seeing.

So when I complete a project, all of a sudden that thing that had been the center of my life for the past week or two is gone. And I have no idea what to do with myself.

Okay, that's a bit of an exaggeration.

But I have to adjust and occupy myself in some other way.

So, in a bout of self-reflection, I realized that working on COMMotion for the past year has helped me with resiliency (I talked about this in another post, in another context) and flexibility. I learned to take things as they come, and put my all into the things I'm working on in the present. I learned, through trial and error, to manage my time as well as plan for the future, and unquestionably improved in multi-tasking.

The first 'thing' that threw me off balance during 2017 was the end of the Winter Showcase.

This was a show that I directed and organized for my Design Lab class/my graduation project. Needless to say, I threw myself into this show during the last two weeks of its duration. I stayed for hours after school, working on set, writing up programs and scripts and crew directions, leading rehearsals, etc. It became my focus during January.

And then, on January 20th, after putting on an whole actual show (still can't believe it!) and going to the Collegeville Diner to celebrate and hang out with the entire cast, I got home and just sat there.

It was done. It was over. The baby was born, it grew up, it flew away, and now I had to deal with what is known by thespians as "post-show depression".

Self-explanatory concept, so I'll leave it up to you to understand what it entailed.

At one point (this has nothing to do with aforementioned post-show syndrome) I went through an odd period where I was feeling pessimistic and angsty, and lacked real motivation to do anything. I say odd because I'm usually a fairly happy and hopeful person, so me being angry and weary all the time is alarming and kind of frightening.

Anyway, I didn't let myself mope for too long. I turned to my schoolwork, and threw myself into that for about a week or two. During that time, I planned out a few more projects and choreographies for COMMotion; finding dancers, ideating, throwing concepts back and forth with Rachel and RJ (they come down to my art class during their study halls).

It took a while, but I think it's safe to say that I'm getting back on track. I'm feeling so much happier and excited that I was two weeks ago, and I'm just glad that I feel like myself again.